Lost

Never have I been in a situation where I have no clue where I want to go with my life. There has always been ‘the next thing’ with me. I am twenty-five, and I didn’t expect I would be where I am now.When I was ten years old, and sitting atop my primary school’s recycling bin, I remember having a conversation with my friends about our futures. We had decided we would be living in apartments in New York when we were twenty with successful office jobs, and married by twenty-three. Oh if only I could go back and shake some reality into my ten year old self.

Although I do kind of miss the optimism that came with being a child. The ‘you can do anything you put your mind to’ ideology. Cynicism just comes with being an adult I guess.I have some vague ideas. I would like to get married one day, potentially have a couple of kids. I want to travel as much as I can, eat good food with good friends. Be successful. Train my horse up to dominate the dressage world in the South Island- New Zealand even.

Perhaps I am feeling this way because I have had two break-ups this year; one from a long-term relationship, the other fairly new but hot and heavy. The hot and heavy one was harder.But that is not the point- I know I will meet the right person one day, I’m not worried about being lonely (in fact I am relishing it at the moment). I am worried about what the fuck I want to do with my life.I am almost finished with a degree in journalism, but do I want to be a journalist? Not really.