“Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again” are the lyrics that have been burning through me over the last few weeks. I’ve been grappling with decisions on where to plant my feet and start my new beginning and making those choices has been crazy. I’ve had to think through so much in the last few years that I just could not do this last one, even though it was possibly the most important. I couldn’t do it. Each time I thought I knew what I wanted I would change my mind again.
I was going in complete circles and not ending up where I knew I needed to be, but did I really know where that was?
This is another situation where I may have looked to be strong and handling everything ok, but inside it wasn’t happening. There was a time in my marriage when I had my doubts and suspicions and I chose not to act on them and when I did, those concerns were belittled and brushed aside. The past four years I have been reliving that memory on a daily basis, it is my route home, and each time I take it I see it clear as day.
We had left the same time that fall day, the kids and I headed out and he to work. His car moved ahead of mine and got a couple of car lengths ahead but I could still see it. I looked up and saw I was being stopped by the red light and followed his car with my eyes as he ventured forward. Just as the light turned green I saw it.
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